but well, its also one of those like 'click' moments when you figure things out.
i just kept thinking.
why is it that im not doing well or i dont feel like i've prepared properly regardless of reading the notes. why cant i finish revising the syllabus? i was thinking of what's the difference between my preparation time during O levels,then and currently A levels.
and its really just boils down to this 'duh' thing.
i just remember so clearly the rawness of sheer determination and fear.
while there is that fear now, the determination is insufficient.
then, i was organized. i had prepared my schedule 3 weeks ahead. listing how long i should spend on every subject in a day and what should i have completed by that day.
while i had listed my whole syllabus on a drawing block, i didnt have a specific schedule this time round.
its just these minor preparations that make up the huge difference u know.
and im just so disappointed it took me 5 days before my A levels to figure out, what exactly went wrong.
i just went on and on, without a specific plan in a day.
i spent late nights which i felt was futile now.
u know falling sick before A levels was probably worth it.
it reminded me of a lot of things.
and yes JC make humans so screwed up because for goodness sake,
while my brains was boiling at 38.5degrees, i couldnt even rest properly because i was constantly thinking,'shit, hw long more am i sposed to sleep before i get well.i need to revise'
and its like, my mind is not even resting when im sick. im still in that panic mode when freaking hell, thats what probably got me sick in the first plc, well besides the shitload of junkies i ate.
anyhooo, this is one freaking hell of an experience!
posted by nuraini @ Tuesday, November 03, 2009
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